Under the weather
by Scorpina
Summary: What kind of high Jinx could a top WWE superstar cause when he battles a cold? LOTS! Just ask those who are trying to prevent the chaos.
1. Chapter 1

Under the weather

Chapter 1- The task at hand.

"This is not a drill people! Work with me here!" bellowed out Kane. He was storming through the halls as the superstars breifted him.

"It just happened so suddenly, one moment he's fine. Next… Well… I don't know!" explained Matt Hardy.

"We did everything you said before you came here Kane" called out Jeff.

Never had anyone seen Kane so determained as he walked through the halls, he had quickly left the Raw locker room to head to the Smackdown/ ECW brand upon getting the call. It was serious. Kane paused as he came to the locker room and stared at the door. His hand trembled as he stormed in fearlessly, sitting with a blanket over his shoulders, a water bag on his head and feet soaking in a hot medeical mixture was the Undertaker. "Damn, they weren't kidding" Kane muttered.

"I told them I don't need you!" Taker sneered as a monstrous sneeze escaped from the Deadman. "I'm fine!"

"You remember what happened the last time you got sick? The fire department is use to getting cats out of a tree, not a three hundred pound man!"

"I told you, I don't know how I got up there!" Taker protested.

Kane rolled his eyes as he stared at his sickly older brother, he walked out of the locker room and was greeted by half of them. "Is it bad?" asked Edge.

"Oh it's bad, full out cold. You know what that means?" he asked.

"Sleepwalking" muttered the Hardy Boys. "He always sleep walks when he's sick"

"And remember what happened the last time he did that"

"Which one? When he got suck up in a tree? Or when we found him in the bathroom with the fire extinguisher naked?" Jeff asked.

"Don't remind me about that, I found him!" muttered Triple H. "So, what do we do Kane?"

Kane had established shifts for everyone to keep an eye on the Deadman. It would happen at the hotel, lucky for them they had to stay there for a week. So Taker wouldn't have to move about all that much. The more he sleeps, the better off everyone will be.

As Kane accompanied his brother to his hotel room, he closed the door and stared at those who... 'volunteered' to look out for the Undertaker. Khali would watch outside of the door. Triple H was just down the hall. Edge was one floor up with Matt as Jeff took downstairs. Kane on the other hand was going to sit outside of the door to ensure his brother doesn't get out.

Khali was rather clueless as to what was really going on. "So, this happens often?" he asked of Kane.

Kane snickered. "If you had been here earlier, you would know this is hell!" he explained. "Whenever Taker gets sick like this, he sleepwalks. And ends up in the strangest places. If you ever read Robert Munch's 50 below, you would get the idea of all this precaution."

Kane however sighed aloud. "But it seems no matter what we do, he still gets out and finds himself in stranger situations"

Khali only nodded. "I am in over my head, aren't I?" he asked.

Kane however laughed. "We all are!"

Just then a sudden sound startled Kane through the door, putting his ear to it, he heard a clash, then a bang, then silence. Quickly, Kane found the key card and stormed into the room…


	2. Chapter 2 recovery

Chapter 2- recovery

"Damn it!" Kane growled. Reaching to his side he pulled a walkie-talkie the security guards had lent to him at the arena. "Deadman walks! Repeat, Deadman walks!" Kane called through.

The room was a mess. Tables had been knocked down as the drawers were pulled out. The bed was a mess and the Deadman was out and about without any shoes or socks on. Khali was rather floored. "Where he go?"

Kane looked about for possible answer. He checked the connecting room doors that led to Finley's room. However the door was locked, this worried Kane, the only other way out of the room was through the window. "Kane! Kane!" came the voice of Edge on his walkie.

"Go Edge"

"He's on the fire escape!"

"What?!" Kane quickly rushed to the window and looked up, the Deadman wasn't going up… instead, he was going down… towards the streets! "Damn it!" Kane hissed. "Everyone move, he's on the street, repeat, Deadman on the street!" Kane began to give chase through the fire escape and called for Khali to meet him down the stairs.

Kane wasn't one for ladders himself, and figured Edge would be better at this than he was, but time was of the essence! Taker is out in PJs, no shoes or socks on his feet and it was a chilly summer's night. He would catch more than a cold if he stays outside for very long.

When Kane hit the ground he began to run out of the alley and search for his brother, looking up one street and down another, he found Taker heading north with a zombie like walk to his step. There weren't many people out and many assumed he was drunk and didn't pay any mind to see if he was really asleep or not. Sprinting down the street, Kane caught up to his brother and turned him around. "Come on Taker, you're heading the wrong way"

"I know my way to the ring Kane, don't you dare tell me I don't know my way around.." Taker muttered back.

Kane just got Taker to the hotel front when the Hardys were the first ones out to greet them. They quickly ushered the Deadman back into the hotel and got him into his bed once more. This time, Kane shut the window and locked it tight. For good measures he found a steel bar to place over it and ensured the Deadman wouldn't get out.

With his piece of mind set at ease, Kane resumed his spot at the front of the door and waited. "Are you going to sit there all night?" Khali asked of him.

"If I have to, if you don't mind, can you get me a few coffees? Black please?" Kane asked.

Khali nodded and left to get Kane his hot beverages. Kane knew he just had to last the night before knowing for certain his brother would be ok for the rest of the week.


	3. Chapter 3 escape number 2

Chapter 3- Escape number 2- Edge

I kept to my position to ensure the Undertaker doesn't sleepwalk his way out of here. With the current angle I got right now, I had 'vanished' at the hands of the Deadman. Well, now I wish I had!

I remembered the last time Taker was sleepwalking. He had the flu and I found him curled up in McMahon's office on his table. Everything was torn down and ripped to shreds. Lucky for me, I had everything cleaned up before Vince made it into the office. However I could never explain the footprints left on the wall, some on the roof or his desk. The footprints on the roof had me scratching my head personally.

Then when we found him stuck up the tree. Man, I am so glad no one had a working camera at the time. That would have ruined the Deadman!

Checking my watch, it was three minutes until Midnight. I went down to check on Kane who remained at the front door. He could barely keep his eyes open. With the roll of my eyes I got the big guy to his feet. "Come on Kane, let's get you to bed"

He fought me on it. "No, I have to be sure Taker doesn't get out! I have to be sure" he kept muttering lowly to me.

"Dude, if you don't sleep. You're no good to us" I explained as I pulled the big guy to his feet once more. Reluctantly, he let me take him into his hotel room. I let him take care of himself from there as I tried to get myself to bed as well. However, the moment I made that choice for myself… did it happen.

THUD!

I froze to the noise, what the hell was that?

THUD!

Ok, this wasn't funny anymore. Something was going down!

CRASH!

Ok, this is getting weird.

I rushed down the hall and found the Deadman once more out of his room. This time though, he was smacking himself into the wall and it wasn't even phasing him! The crash came when he knocked over a table in the bend of the hallway. "Taker! Taker!" I screamed at him.

My voice caught his attention, but I wished I kept my mouth shut. He seemed to snap into Character as his closed eyes were turned towards me, he ran his thumb across his neck before growling to me. "Rest… in… peace!"

Oh Crap!

I ran down the halls screaming like a manic, for a guy who is sleep walking, he damn well knows how to sleep run as well! He gave chase as I begged anyone to wake up and stop Taker from killing me in his sleep!

I must have lapped the floor three times before anyone came to my rescues. Of course it was Kane who came from behind and snatched me. I was pulled into his room as he went out to deal with his sleepwalking brother.

"Where did he go!" hissed the Deadman.

Kane managed to talk Taker into going back to his 'dressing room' "You scared him off Taker. Come on, let's regroup so he will show his slimy hide once more"

Peering out through the door, I saw Kane led Taker back into his hotel room. He left shortly after, and fixed the table that was knocked over. I caught my breath and thanked Kane for saving my life. "I swear he was going to kill me"

Kane let out a sigh and decided he was going to get some stronger coffee to drink. Something tells me Kane isn't going to be sleeping tonight.

As for me, I decided to bolt my door until morning.


	4. Chapter 4 The Hardy Watch

Chapter 4- The Hardy's watch- Matt.

Jeff and I spent the better part of the night awake, we like to hang out and stuff until we heard Edge screaming from under the floor. Curious we went to see what was going on. Well, Jeff took the idea from the Deadman by going down the fire escape ladder and peered through the window. According to my brother. Taker was chasing Edge around with his eyes closed threatening to let him 'rest in peace'.

I found that rather hard to believe, I mean how can one chase a man with their eyes closed? Then again Edge was screaming, I suppose you just follow the voice. I was rather amazed that Taker could run around in his sleeping bottoms and tank top that fast while barefoot!

Well, Jeff came back up into the window after explaining Kane managed to convince the Deadman that he 'scared Edge out of the arena' and has since put the Deadman back to bed. We decided to go down stairs for a quick snack from the lobby as Kane went to load up on coffee once more, when we heard a thrashing coming from below us.

Quickly, Jeff and I went to see what was going on. We took the stairs as we found Taker wondering about once more out on his own. Finley's hotel door was nearly ripped off its hinges, and yet neither Finley nor Hornswaggle woke from the destruction!

Taker walked about for a while before making his way to the elevator. He pushed a button and the doors closed. Jeff and I turned to one another and figured it would be best to follow him. Just to be safe.

The elevator took the Deadman to the basement parking lot. This isn't good. Quickly, we got into the elevator and rushed to the parking lot as fast as we could. The moment the doors open, did we find Taker wondering about and bumping into cars. Alarm after alarm went off from the impact of the sleeping Deadman. Jeff and I were quick to approach him. "Undertaker" I called.

He froze in his steps for but a moment. "Hardy boy" he muttered before going on his way.

"Taker please, I need your help!" called Jeff.

I stared at him oddly, Jeff only shrugged to me since we were desperate to see if anything out stop the Deadman's sleep walking rampage! Taker stopped and turned to face Jeff. It was weird. He looked very coherent and yet, he's not. "What is it Jeff? Can't you see I am trying to find Edge?" he demanded of him.

"Oh, I know. Edge rushed out of the building, you just missed him. I need some help looking over my MVP match. Can you assist me?"

"Ask Triple H" he muttered. "I know Edge is here somewhere!"

This was getting us nowhere fast. But then an idea hit me. I turned to Jeff and muttered 'follow along' I threw myself into the wall and moaned loudly. Jeff followed suit as he hit the floor. "Ow! Damn it!"

Taker instantly turned to pay attention. "It was Edge, he went in the Elevator!" I moaned aloud.

In an instant, Taker rushed to the elevator. Jeff and I quickly followed him in as he somehow pushed the button for the lobby. We kept quite as the Deadman snored away.

When the elevator dinged open, Taker seemed to regain his coherent type of state. He growled lowly as he stormed out, screaming drunkenly for Edge to show himself.

It just so happens that Ryder and Hawkins (aka Edge's lackeys) were in the lobby. They approached as Jeff and I tried to wave them off. "What the hell is your problem Deadman?"

Taker snapped.

Zack and Curt went flying across the lobby as Taker kept screaming at them "Where the hell is Edge?" all the while. Lucky for us, Khali came in and restrained the Deadman. I kept begging Taker to calm down as everyone began to slowly stop and stare at us. Jeff only mouthed to them 'too much to drink' as we tried to force the Deadman back into the elevator and get him back to his room. It's a good think Khali is as tall as he is, or else this would have been impossible!

When we got to the room. Taker broke out into a sneezing fit, Khali let him go as Taker hit the ground and began to stir. He woke!

"What the hell?" he muttered lowly.

All of us stood around the Deadman. "Taker, you ok?" I asked.

He looked at each of our faces and couldn't figure out why we were in his hotel room. Jeff gently explained to the Deadman that we were in the hotel hallway and we had to get him back to bed. Of course we were blamed for trying to pull a prank on him, so we just endured the lecture as he went back to his room.

Kane returned a short time later with his hands full of espresso shots. "Anything happen?" he asked

"Nope" Lied Jeff.

"Not a thing" explained Khali.

"We were just playing… tag… Your it Jeff" I announced and smacked him in the arm before running like hell. Khali did the same as Jeff made his way out before Kane learned the truth as to what REALLY happened.


	5. Chapter 5 Espresso shots are not enough

Chapter 5- Espresso shots are not enough- Kane

As I took shot after shot of the strong coffee, I felt myself stay awake for a while… yet was quick to fall back asleep. Damn, I wish there was an easier way of watching a sick Deadman. I mean where the hell are those druids that he 'summons' to terrify people? Can't they take turns doing rounds?

Well checking my watch, I read it was now four am. I was dead tired and wanted to sleep. I nearly did until I heard his door open. Taker walked out of his room and headed right for the elevator. I couldn't understand how the hell he knew where everything was in this damn hotel with his eyes closed! In all honesty it irked me!

With a sigh I trailed the Deadman down to the lobby once more, however the moment I made it there, did the Undertaker vanish! "Oh hell!" I growled lowly.

Looking about I asked the night staff if they had seen my brother, no one had. Searching desperately now I tried calling out for Taker to see if he would respond. So far nothing.

It then occurred to me, they got an in ground pool here… Damn it.

I went to the gym area where I found a few of the guys working out, oddly enough some of the Raw superstars were here. JBL, CM Punk and Chris Jericho.

"Guys I need your help!" I called to them.

Rather stunned to see me, JBL looked rather puzzled. "Why the hell are you up?" he demanded.

"Taker has a cold…"

"Say no more" replied Chris Jericho. "I don't want to find him like I did the last time…"

"You found Taker passed out?" I asked of him.

Chris shuttered to the thought. "He woke up the moment I found him in a locker room with his cheeks full of jelly beans"

There was an awkward silence among us. Punk looked at all of us and laughed. "You're joking right?" he asked.

Bradshaw gave him a stone cold look. "Do we look like we're joking? Besides, that's nothing" Bradshaw announced. "But a triple Grand mamma swore not to tell"

Damn, that's serious!

We split up and tried to find the Deadman. We lucked out to find he wasn't in the pool, however we were rather worried to see the steam room in operation! Bradshaw knocked the door open as Taker came tumbling out, wide awake. He looked rather confused as he stared at the four of us looking down at him.

"What the hell kind of prank is this?!" he demanded.

"Prank? You walked in here on your own accord Deadman!" protested Punk.

"Don't be sassing me boy, I don't steam!" Taker hissed back. However he was rather impressed that his congestion has since cleared up and he was able to breath through his nose once more. "Screw this, I am going back to bed!" he announced and stormed back to his hotel room.

I let out a sigh. "Anyone got red bull?" I asked.

"Kane, how about you get some sleep and we will keep watch over Taker?" Bradshaw asked.

"We?" questioned Punk and Jericho.

"Yeah, WE!" growled back Bradshaw. I took them up on their offer. My head was swimming and I felt rather stuffed up myself. With a sigh, I dragged myself to my hotel room and tried to hit the sack.


	6. Chapter 6 Three men and a deadman END

Chapter 6- Three men and a Deadman- JBL

I never signed up for this. I mean come on! Do I look like I sign up for this kind of thing? This is with out a doubt babysit in my book. Not to mention it is 6 am now! Taker hasn't stirred in an hour and a half so I think it is safe to say that we can go to bed. However Jericho wasn't convinced. "Last time we assumed such a thing, we found Taker at the arena asleep on the roof top" he explained.

"How the hell did he get in?" Punk questioned.

"No one knows, I doubt anyone ever will. It's a great mystery of the locker room" I explained.

We waited for a while longer until it was eight in the morning. Taker emerged from his room, awake to say the least and just battling a few sniffles of the nose and a cough. He stared at the three of us as if we were nuts. "What the hell are you waiting outside of my door for?" he demanded.

Just then Finley and Hornswaggle emerged from their hotel room and noticed the door in shambles. "Anyone know what happened here?" Finley asked.

We knew, but we weren't about to start a fight right now! However Jericho explained that Finley had a little too much to drink and bashed the door with his shillelagh, it was nasty since he forgot his hotel key at the bar.

Finley however looked puzzled. "Funny, I don't remember drinking last night" he muttered. However he soon dropped the subject and went on his way.

Taker however looked better than before and announced he was rather hungry. Before he left though, the Hardys came running down the hall. "Has anyone seen Kane?" they asked.

"He's not in his room," explained Matt.

"We were just there," said Jeff.

Taker on the other hand rolled his eyes. "And so it starts!" he announced and made his way to the elevator. Curious, we followed the Deadman to the elevator. He was silent on the way down to the lobby. When the door opened. We saw the hotel workers looking rather puzzled.

"You do it," one whispered.

"No, you do it," replied another. We were curious as to what they were referring to. When we sat it.

Out cold on the hotel's main desk was Kane.

I turned to the others and couldn't believe my eyes. "Kane sleep walks?" I demanded of the Deadman.

"Sort of, normally he ventures to a flat surface and falls asleep. I got no idea how he came to the desk though" as Taker explained he mercilessly shoved Kane off the desk and onto the floor.

"OW DAMN IT!" shouted the big red Monster. However, when he realized where he was a perplexed look over came him. "How did I get down here?"

Taker only smirked to him as he walked off in search of cold caplets. Kane on the other hand looked like crap.

"I don't feel so good" he muttered.

Just as he announced it, all of us guys sighed aloud. "I'll take first watch," sighed Chris Jericho. He helped Kane back up to his hotel room as CM Punk stared at me rather nervously

Well, needless to say, sleep walking runs in the BOD's family. "So, I should have just stayed on ECW huh?" he asked of me.

"Naw, I've seen worst. If you think this was bad, you should be here when Vince McMahon has a case of the hiccups,"

THE END


End file.
